This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
