You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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