we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
