Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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