Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize