awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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