We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize