I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
