your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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