hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
