but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize