Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This baby is an asshole
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
