Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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