i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
