i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
