I am in a vortex of obligation.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
