if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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