Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
