I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is my gift to your gina
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
