Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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