i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
