eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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