I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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