Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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