In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
