Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
