my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
