...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
