Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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