I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
