remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
