This dress was meant to end up on your floor
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
