would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
