Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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