How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize