I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
