The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
