we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
