As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
