halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
