Dual....:-)
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So apparently I’m into choking now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
