Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
