she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
