you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
