After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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