New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
