Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
