Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i barfeds in our rink
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
