I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm jealous of your bromance
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
