We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
