I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
