I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my shit smells like andre
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
