Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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