i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
