You smell like stripper and shame
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
