remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize