Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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