her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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