i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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