highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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