next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
