she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
