and i looked up. we had an audience...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
