I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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