you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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