I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
