So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
