is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
