He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
