I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
