I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
