and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
