Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
