Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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