Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
