ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
