...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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