omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
