My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
