It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
