Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
