hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
